MAGAs UNMASKED
(Photos credit The Weekly Opine)
Head spinning encounter
Ran into Mags the MAGA, his wife Maggy, and their 30-something daughter Magnet at the grocery store this week. (Maggot the MAGA and Magpie the MAGA were not present). As usual, they were talking disconnected-from-reality poppycock I’ve come to expect from the Kool-Aid drinking Trump cult.
TWO: What up, Mags?
MAGS: I don’t even know who you are, hiding behind that mask.
TWO: Take a guess.
MAGS: Are you with ICE?
TWO: Nah, try again.
MAGNET: I recognize the voice. It’s Mr. Opine!
MAGGY: Opine man. Yuck.
TWO: Bingo, you win!
MAGGY: I only play Bingo with my Hispanic friend Gina Lolla when we visit her mom in Tallahassee.
MAGS: Why are you wearing a mask?
TWO: I always wear a mask grocery shopping. Why aren’t you all wearing masks?
MAGGY: Because we’re not brainwashed. You’re stupid.
TWO: No, RFK Jr. is stupid. And despite his efforts to Make America Sick Again, I got my flu and covid shots last week.
MAGNET: RFK Jr. is hot!
TWO: His face is so red he looks like he’s hot… from burning in hell.
MAGS: Still woke, aren’t you? My other Black friend Wes Chester ain’t woke.
MAGGY: I wish Opine man was asleep.
TWO: I’m wide awake. You do know Trump recently got his flu and covid vaccines?
MAGS: No way.
TWO: He did. His press secretary Karoline Leavitt announced it.
MAGGY: I wish Magnet was like Karoline Leavitt. She’s so poised and a great speaker and she knows so much about everything.
TWO: We talking about the same Karoline Leavitt?
MAGS: Of course you’re talking about the same person. You think my wife is dumb or something?
MAGGY: I double-dare you to call me dumb, Opine man. I’ll have ICE agents take you away.
TWO: ICE wear masks. You OK with that?
MAGGY: They wear masks because they deal with the public who might be carrying a virus or something.
TWO: Uh, huh.
MAGS: What’s your excuse?
TWO: I mask up because when out and about I’m dealing with the public who might be carrying a virus or something.
MAGGY: Don’t mock me. Come up with your own words using Ebonics.
MAGNET: My hair is bleached blonde just like Karoline Leavitt’s!
MAGS: That’s right, sweetie. And you are just as gifted, too.
TWO: Oh-kay.
MAGGY: It’s more than OK. It’s TRUE. Karoline Leavitt is no match for our Magnet.
TWO: A moment ago you said you wish Magnet was like Karoline Leavitt.
MAGGY: Shut. Up!
TWO: Groceries sure have gotten expensive.
MAGS: Thanks, Biden.
TWO: You mean thanks Trump?
MAGGY: For the umpteenth time, Opine man, my husband does not need you to correct him.
TWO: Trump’s the one who said grocery prices would come down on Day One.
MAGNET: Wasn’t Day One in the Garden of Eden?
MAGS: I wonder if Karoline Leavitt knows anything about Day One and the Garden of Eden?
MAGGY: Not a thing. She’s too young.
TWO: Slow down.
MAGGY: I wonder if that apple Eve gave Adam cost two dollars?
TWO: O. M. G.
MAGS: Let’s go. Opine man’s brain is fried.
MAGGY: Probably from getting his head smashed by ICE at the No More Martin Luther Kings protest.
TWO: It was a No Kings protest.
MAGS: There wasn’t enough space on those signs to write No More Martin Luther Kings. They abbreviated it to No Kings.
TWO: Stop. Please, just stop!
MAGNET: Opine man, would you like a Tylenol?
MAGS: No, he’d blame Tylenol for turning him into a useless lib.
MAGNET: Tylenol causes autism, too.
TWO: No it…
MAGGY: And bunions.
TWO: Goodbye!
© 2025 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, Magnet the MAGA, Maggot the MAGA and Magpie the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. Wes Chester and Gina Lolla are fictional characters not based on any real persons named Wes Chester and Gina Lolla. All rights reserved.