FRESH INK
(Photos credit The Weekly Opine)
Oops!
Was running errands the other night and noticed Mags the MAGA’s car parked in front of the tattoo parlor. Lucky for me, I bumped into Mags, Maggy and Magnet the next day at McDonald’s. (Buckle up for this exchange.)
TWO: Hey, Mags, I saw your car at that tattoo place last night. Did you get fresh ink?
MAGS: You sure are nosy.
MAGGY: Yeah, mind your own business.
MAGNET: We got new tattoos!
MAGS: Magnet!
TWO: Let’s hear it.
MAGGY: Well, the tattoo artist asked if I have any habits. I told her I grind my teeth. And she asked when? I answered, “All night ‘till I fall asleep.” And she repeated, “All night ‘till I fall asleep?” And I said yes, “All night ‘till I fall asleep.”
TWO: Stop.
MAGGY: But all those words wouldn’t fit vertically on my calf, so she said let’s abbreviate it.
TWO: You didn’t.
MAGGY: I did.
TWO: Antifa.
MAGGY: On my right calf. So now my right calf says “Antifa” and my left calf already has the abbreviation for “Not all angels can play.”
TWO: I remember that. NAACP.
MAGGY: In all caps. Look at my calves. They’re a mess!
TWO: Your calves look great. Mags, did you get a new tat… too?
MAGS: Knowing how much ink costs have skyrocketed because of Obamacare subsidies, I told the guy to just abbreviate one of my mantras: “May all men do always nothing illegal.”
TWO: That’s cumbersome. And a mouthful.
MAGS: That’s why we abbreviated it.
TWO: Mamdani?
MAGS: It’s on my forearm. My bicep already has the abbreviation for “Life gives bold tough questions.”
TWO: I remember that. LGBTQ. In all caps.
MAGS: Yes, all caps. And now my forearm says “Mamdani.” I screwed up.
TWO: You did. On the same arm?
MAGs: No! You think I’m dumb?
TWO: Well…
MAGNET: I got a new tattoo, too!
MAGS: Magnet!
MAGNET: Do you remember when I accidentally tattooed the Democrat donkey on my right shoulder blade?
TWO: I remember.
MAGNET: Well, I got a tattoo of a black panther on my left shoulder blade. They are such beautiful animals.
MAGS: Magnet!
MAGNET: And the tattoo artist – he’s Black – tattooed “All Power to People” right under the black panther. Here, take a look.
TWO: You radical!
MAGGY: Her shoulder blades are a mess.
TWO: Magnet’s shoulder blades look great.
MAGS: Hey, that’s my daughter, Opine man!
MAGGY: Opine man is a degenerate. Ogling my calves and Magnet’s shoulder blades.
TWO: You showed them to me.
MAGS: Opine man is no better than R. Kelly and P. Diddy.
MAGGY: Let’s call him O. Pity. Hey look, there’s O. Pity!
TWO: Can’t wait for next summer so you can show off your tattoos. Enjoy lunch…
(To revisit the MAGAs first tattoo adventure, click the link below)
theweeklyopine.com/current-events/2023/7/13/tattoos-gone-wild
© 2025 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, Magnet the MAGA, Maggot the MAGA and Magpie the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. All rights reserved.