MAGS' PASTOR PAL
A podcast pastor is a long way from a brick-and-mortar pastor. (Photo credit The Weekly Opine)
Amazing gra… well, amazing
Sitting on the porch the other day when Mags the MAGA pulled up in his van. Mags had a friend with him. The rest of the MAGA clan, Maggie, Magnet, Maggot and Magpie were not present. Just Mags and his friend.
TWO: Is that Mags the MAGA?
MAGS: It is.
TWO: What’s up?
MAGS: I’m driving my Black friend home from grocery shopping. Maggy’s with her Hispanic friend Gina Lolla getting their toes done.
TWO: Great.
MAGS: Gas prices are so high my friend cannot afford to drive.
TWO: Introduce me.
MAGS: This is Wes. Wes Chester.
TWO: Hello, Wes.
WES: Thanks to SNAP I can get groceries.
MAGS: Wes is Black. Like you.
TWO: Yes, I can see that. How do you know each other?
MAGS: We met working at the factory. Wes is a Blacks for Trump guy.
WES: The factory closed in 2018. The jobs went to Mexico.
MAGS: That’s why Wes is broke. He’s been outta work since 2018. Wes is a pastor now.
TWO: Sorry to hear you’re broke. You still with Trump?
WES: Yessir.
TWO: Why?
WES: He’s sacrificing for all of us. Trump gives so we can have. He’s a devout Christian man of faith who puts country before self.
TWO: Uh, huh.
MAGS: Don’t mock my friend.
WES: Trump is a man of his word. You wait, give him time and he’ll build the wall.
TWO: We’ve been waiting a decade.
WES: When he builds the wall, U.S. factories will be blocked from going to Mexico. How you gonna lift all that heavy machinery over a 20-foot wall? People can’t even climb over a 40-foot wall.
TWO: Which is it, 20 feet or 40 feet?
WES: Might be 50.
TWO: So, you’re a pastor. Where’s your church?
WES: I’m a podcast preacher. The podcast is called “Trump is Jesus, Moses and the Pope All Rolled into One.”
TWO: More like “Trump is Hitler, Bull Conner and The Grand Dragon Rolled into One.” Do people send you money?
MAGS: Wes don’t want money. He tells his audience to send money to Trump, so he can buy cryptocurrency.
WES: Trump is a virtuous man! Hallelujah!
MAGS: Wes is on Medicaid and SNAP. He’s outta work, but he’s not lazy like those other ones. Wes makes his bed every morning. Tell him, Wes.
TWO: What “other” ones?
WES: I make my bed every day except Friday. I do my TIJMATPARIO podcast on Fridays.
TWO: Do you know Trump and MAGA Republicans intend to take SNAP benefits and Medicaid away from poor people? Very unlike Jesus.
WES: Where’d you hear that?
TWO: It’s all over the news.
WES: I ain’t seen it on Fox.
TWO: Fox isn’t news.
WES: It says so in the name. Fox News.
MAGS: Don’t try to reason with Opine Man. His brain is fried. He’s a lib.
WES: Fox says Trump obliterated Iran’s nukes. Fox says he’ll get the Nobel Peace Prize.
TWO: You really believe that?
WES: If Trump says it, if Fox says it, if Trump’s pretty spokesperson says it, then of course I believe it.
TWO: Of course.
MAGS: Wes let’s not waste any more time with him.
TWO: The pleasures been all mine.
MAGS: I knew you’d be glad to meet Wes. He just watched the NBA Finals.
TWO: And your point is?
MAGS: Well, all you people like basketball.
WES: Did you watch Soul Train back in the day? And Reverend Ike?
MAGS: What about Jimmy Swaggert? He acted like he’s Black.
TWO: Enough, enough. Gotta go.
© 2025 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, Magnet the MAGA, Maggot the MAGA and Magpie the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. Wes Chester and Gina Lolla are fictional characters not based on any real person. All rights reserved.